Before I Go
by MistyMountainStag
Summary: He'd left to escape. The sleepless nights. The nightmares. Him. But even after all these years, a single face still haunted his dreams. Walked among his thoughts and whispered in his ear on dark nights from the shadows. That's why, in a moment like this, he was who Stiles thought of. In his final moments. As he reached into the depths of is mind. To find him. To say goodbye.


p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9b70b985ab7d7d72ff9c15f58d4fa368"He'd left to escape. The sleepless nights. The nightmares. Him. Watching him love someone else. Watching him kiss lips that weren't his. Holding a body that wasn't him. He couldn't take it any more. So he did what any normal person would do, ignore the pain and hurt until it nearly consumed him. Then when the pain got too much to bare, he fled. And no one stopped him. Because he was human. Weak, defenceless Stiles. Totally and utterly human. He'd done it to forget the pain and the hurt, to leave his past behind him and start again. It had worked for the first 3 years. He'd drowned himself in an unchanging routine of work and drink. Letting himself fall into a mindless trance, stumbling through the days, not really present. The old Stiles had been locked away deep in his heart, the Stiles who laughed and felt, because he hurt to easily. If the world insisted on breaking him, he would lock himself inside a box and throw away the key, to protect what was left. Until there was nothing left to destroy. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="af2ec936ee954e629594ca0bab7576f0"But even after all these years, a single face still haunted his dreams. Walked among his thoughts and whispered in his ear on dark nights, from the shadows. That's why, in a moment like this, he was who Stiles thought of. In his final moments, lying on the floor, pain racking his body. As he reached into the depths of is mind, retreating away from the light. To find him. To say goodbye. And suddenly he was where he wished to be. In the Hale house, light streaming in through the large window. In the background he could hear Scott and the others, laughing and shouting at the TV no doubt. A smile ghosted his lips as he listened to the banter, it felt so foreign on his face. Then Derek walked into the room, all dark plain dark clothes and five o'clock shadow. He looked busy, stressed, his usual stern expression more gloomy than normal. But hell if Stiles didn't feel a weight lift off his chest at the sight of him, as if he'd been holding his breath and could finally breath. He suddenly had the faint feeling of fading, as if slipping away. But as a tear slipped down his face he made one last effort, so he could at least say goodbye. He shouted with all his mite, using all the power he had left./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4e6d3664714d2bf2f6e27451b451f432""DEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEK!"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="aeb7196d1e0d52cab1bf062ea9ea4b20"And all at once, he saw him. Turned to look him dead in the eyes, shock clearly plastered to his face./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3f66c7636b5c76042fe3bfa7b529035f""Stiles? What- How. Why?" Stiles huffed a laugh at his old friends obvious confusion, it was the same rough baritone from his memories./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="01dfc3a27ad7ce7e64226814f3148bf8""I just wanted to say Goodbye." He whispered the words knowing the older man would hear him, he felt as if he spoke too loud everything would disappear as quickly as it came./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="63e539bdc39fbb16dfcbf76d2f79e671""Wait what do you mean. Stiles, stop joking. It's a little late to tell us you're skipping town." Annoyance laced his words, guilt washed over Stiles. But he deserved it, for all that he had done. A sad smile replaced his relieved one as he blinked back tears. He wanted to be remembered as someone who was strong, who didn't cry./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="83985d53db032cf339a70019d3e2b055""I'm really gonna miss you. And Im sorry, you've got to tell the others that-" His breathes were heavy now, half way between sobbing and hyperventilating. Derek cut him off, concern twisting his features./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0fe1eba90e25f122d3a0b6a9a62239da"" Wait, what do you mean Stiles. What's going on, do you need me to get Scott for you? I can call hi-" It was Stiles' turn to interrupt, he just wanted to spend his last moment with Derek. He made him feel safe, like he wasn't slowly dying./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9a381f54034f40abb48c46d46814e8cd""No. I just want to be here. I'll be gone in a moment." Tears were silently streaming down his cheeks now. And Stiles just stood there staring into the face of the man he could never have. Realization started to bloom on the other mans face as he spoke slowly, as if unsure of his words./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="391cd2d24824a379c8cd0f270b3e0993"" Stiles, I can't smell you... And no one heard you enter the house. That's impossible, unless..." The truth was clear on Derek's face as he fit the puzzle pieces together./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8bc617af6cf99653482a6c45345bbed6"" Unless you're not really here..." Stiles took slow, silent steps towards the taller man, a sad happiness blooming around him./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d096f67e8add76ad8e477bed7eb9fb17""But I still get to spend my final moments with someone. I didn't want to go alone. I'm scared." The confession was barley spoken, mostly to Stiles himself. Derek, finally grasping the situation, launched into action. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="628b9a84f499196f4c1931fe52fc5f3f"" No, tell me where you are. I'm coming to get you. I can- can..." His voice faded as stiles put his hands on his cheeks, head shaking. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bd45c408e767cb76749bacd1b48a1010""It's too late." His words were broken, like the man himself. Derek's words came out small./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5e2de6809c18665dd924e6de15d89cad"" I can't even feel your touch." He lowered his fore head to rest on Stiles', both men closed there eyes and just drank in each others presence for the last time. And as Stiles felt himself begin to fade away he muttered his last words./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4e39988ebe414d8bd096f1d74559c7c6""I love you..." And then he was gone. And Derek was alone again, left with no sign the exchange had ever happened. But he knew in his heart the truth. He felt a hole open in his chest, as if his body could sense the loss of a connection. As if a light went out some place far away.../p 


End file.
